SMILE.LIFE IS TOO SHORT

Yayyyyyyy. Its FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII wait for it...... DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. How i long wait for this day and finally its here. Life is to short to be all grumpy. The highest we can live on this earth is 200 years compared to a lifetime in eternity. Glorious!!!!. So Fridays are my "just relax day" "chill" "dont worry".  I mean why worry. It is not easy i know to take these things of your mind. But you know what i realized with time i this my small life, the things i decided to leave have been things that have worked out by God without even my help. So here is my own Naija Just for Laughs Gags. These jokes are from laughfactory.com


1. A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

2. In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

3.A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.

4. Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

5.Q: Is Google male or female?
   A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

6. Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? 

    A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

7. Teacher: "Which book has helped you the most in your life?" 

    Student: "My father's check book!"

8. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.

9. Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?

10. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

#LETUSSAVENIGERIA

ITS ONE MONTH

Yaaayyy!!!!! Its been one month exactly i started. Since the beginning of this year,there has been a revolution to follow your passion. Do what you love and do not care about making money. So, I decided to start blogging. For the life of me i never thought i knew how to write. I still don't know to though...lol. But hey its a process. You don't get there in a day. I remember my first post. I don't even think i got any like or comment but i started anyway. The thing about writing is that the more you read, the more you get better at the game. Let me share the two main lessons i have gotten from blogging:

1. Be Persistent: Some things do not come easy somethings. You just have to be a go-getter about it. If you want to be a master at anything, i once heard you must have spent 1000 hours at it. This requires a lot of patience and persistent. I get tired too sometimes especially when i do not get any like or comment. It can be very discouraging and i just want to quit a times.

2. Start:  You never know where your passion lies if you don't try something new. I never knew i could write. But i just decide to give it a go and here we are one month after. So why not start today and you never know. Some people may end in Hell not because they stole but God will ask a simple question. I gave you a talent; what did you use it for. Do not bury that passion.Some of us cheat ourselves by collecting  a monthly salary. You are much more than that. Try something new and your passion may just turn into a money making venture.

#LETUSSAVENIGERIA

CUSTOMER SERVICE.

As part of my continuation on my series on etiquette, I want to talk about something some Nigerians LACK IN EXCESS |(I say this with no apology). This is the lifeline of any successful business or institution. Customer Service according to Wikipedia is the provision of service to customers before, during and after a purchase. The perception of success of such interactions is dependent on employees "who can adjust themselves to the personality of the guest". Customer service is also often referred to when describing the culture of the organization. The worst place in our dear country of ours to find such service is Government Parastatals. They work like they are being forced to come to work. I mean, if you are not ready to work, why not just be at home and wallow in your sorrow. Without the following skills i am going to list below, you run the risk of finding your business in an embarrassing situation or you will simply lose customers as your service continues to let people down. So lets look a few ways to WOW our customers:

1.Patience: If this is not in your top list of customer service, you should stop reading this right away. Patience is needed for customers who are already frustrated and confused who need support. If you watch the series Undercover Boss, you will see that people who being rewarded after the Boss Reveal are those who work on the brand with Passion. Someone once said something, Learn to understand before being understood. However, Being patient does not necessarily translate to slothfulness.

2 Attentiveness: Listen they say spelt backwards is Silence.Pay attention to their verbal and non-verbal communication. What are they really telling you. It may be necessary to come up with customer feedback forms from time to time.

3. Clear Communication Skills: Make sure you are getting to the problem at hand quickly. Customers don't need to hear your life story. So spare them that. When it comes to important points. Keep it simple and clear and leave nothing to doubt

4. Positive Language:
Sounds like fluffy nonsense, but your ability to make minor changes in your conversational patterns can truly go a long way in creating happy customers.Language is a very important part of persuasion, and people (especially customers) create perceptions about you and your company based off of the language that you use.

5 Acting:
Sometimes you're going to come across people that you'll never be able to make happy.Situations outside of your control (they had a terrible day, or they are just a natural-born complainer) will sometimes creep into your usual support routine, and you'll be greeted with those "barnacle" customers that seem to want nothing else but to pull you down.

6. Time Management Skills:
Hey, despite my many research-backed rants on why you should spend more time with customers, the bottom line is that there is a limit, and you need to be concerned with getting customers what they want in an efficient manner.The trick here is that this should also be applied when realizing when you simply cannot help a customer. If you don't know the solution to a problem, the best kind of support member will get a customer over to someone who does.

7. Be Calm Under Pressure:
Here's a lot of metaphors for this type of personality: "keeps their cool," "staying cool under pressure," etc., but it all represents the same thing: the ability that some people have to stay calm and even influence others when things get a little hectic. I've had my fair share of hairy hosting situations, and I can tell you in all honesty that the #1 reason I stick with certain hosting companies is due to the ability of their customer support team to keep me from pulling my hair out.

8. Ability To Handle Surprises:
Sometimes the customer support world is going to throw you a curveball.Maybe the problem you encounter isn't specifically covered in the company's guidelines, or maybe the customer isn't reacting how you thought they would.Whatever the case, it's best to be able to think on your feet... but it's even betterto create guidelines for yourself in these sorts of situations.Let's say, for instance, you want to come up with a quick system for when you come across a customer who has a product problem you've never seen before...

#LETUSSAVENIGERIA

THE MONDAY BANTER

Mondays can be awesome if  you love what you do. Maybe you are not yet on the path you desire. That is OK. Small steps can make a big difference in our busy lives. In a CNN Interview with Larry King, the interviewer asked him how he wakes up early everyday to be at work everyday. He said and i quote " I don't have a job. I am paid to do what I love which is to talk". The truth is that most of us hate Mondays not because it is the first day of the week or the first day after a long weekend.  NO! We hate Mondays because we do not do what we love. If only we can find ourselves doing what we love. Mondays will be a day to look forward  to. Here are a few things in my opinion that will make Mondays easier to handle.

1. Stop Complaining: Good things don't come to those complain. Change is the only thing that is constant. It is either you make do and be happy with what you have or take small steps to that line of passion that you desire.

2. Find Your Passion: Just like i quoted Larry King earlier, Look forward to having a job that makes you crave for Monday to come. Truth is you will lose track of what day it is because you are walking in your purpose

3. You Are Not Alone: So many people hate Mondays too. You are not the only one. Hang in there and just enjoy the moment.

4.Wake Up & Smile: Think on things that make you happy. Wake Up ad be thankful for Life and the fact that you have somewhere to wake up to every morning. It is only the living that can go to work.

5. Be Grateful For What You Have: Monday isn't that bad. Think of people that are less fortunate than you. Not everyone has that opportunity.

6. Monday Will Go By Too:  Just the way weekends are made in China,lol. So is Monday. The day will soon be over and you will be on your way home. So make a list of what you have to do and take one step at a time.

7. Find/ Re-Connect With Purpose: Take time to reflect on why you are on planet earth. Do things you have never done before and maybe just maybe you may have a date with Destiny.

It does really matter where you are now, as long as you have the end in sight. Stop complaining about things you cannot change especially if you are not doing anything about changing the situation.


#LETUSSAVENIGERIA

SOME FRIDAY HUMOUR

So i have decided that jokes belong to Fridays. Just a little something to calm our nerves down. Life is already complicated, let us not make it harder than it already is. So take a chill pill, relax, smile, help someones, be happy, forgive,jump, scream. Do whatever makes you happy. Here are some quotes that i found really hilarious. I got them from thoughtpick.com and Laughfactory.com Read and Laugh.







1. My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather!

2. One day, I showed up late for work. The boss yelled “You should have been here at 8:30!” I replied: “Why? What happened at 8:30?”

3. I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

4. The only reason people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.

5. To generalize on women is dangerous. To specialize on them is infinitely worse.

6. If ugliness was a crime, you would be serving 3 life sentences.

7. I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she would kill me!

8. A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed. “Have you any last requests? Asked the chaplain. “Yes,” replied the murderer. “Will you hold my hand?”

9. Note – The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.

10. Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

11. Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

12. What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down. It gets toad away.




N.B: They are just jokes and this is not to indict anyone. Please do not take any personally.


Life is too short. Take a good laugh. Everything will be alright in the end. If it  is not the alright, it is not the end. TGIF.Whoop whoop... Hope you had a good laugh! :)


#LETUSSAVENIGERIA.

INDIA IS DIRTY BUT HOW DOES NIGERIA FARE?

Cleanliness is next to Godliness they say. Whether we believe it or not, at least we can agree that cleanliness will impact on your health negatively or positively. According to WHO, Air Pollution is now the world's largest single environmental risk. Come to think of it, the LASAA Fever that broke out few months ago is as a result of uncleanliness. This rather amplifies the need to keep our environment clean. At least I am aware that the last Saturday of every month in Lagos State is Environmental Saturday. Because of this, Movement is restricted till 10am. So let me ask this question. Does the government need to impose a day for us to clean our homes and surroundings.Before now, i used to rain abuses on the government saying we don't have drainage and that's why everywhere is dirty. But most times, we are the cause of our woes.   Your don't want to see Lagos roads during rainy seasons. You find out that people practically throw their dirt out when its raining saying that the rain will wash it away. ere is dirty. But most times, we are the cause of our woes. Not all things are to be left to the government alone. Our leaders have done their part to make the drainage. Whether they are good or not is another discussion. Here is how we can play our part:

1. Stop Throwing things Out Of the Car: Keep them in the car till you get to a place with a  trash can. Better still, keep them in the car .

2. Recycle The Waste Products:  Many waste products can be recycled instead of being disposed off in the dustbin especially bottles and cans. This initiative can be in partnership with the government . This will ultimately prevent any air pollution accumulated  on burning these products.

3. Grow Your Food Locally: Need I remind you that as of the time writing this piece, Dollar to a Naira is 400 while pounds go for 500. Importation business now is bad business. No offence though, Agriculture is staring at us in the face looking for whom to cling to.lol. Planting of food locally helps in reducing the overall commercial transportation of food items that require pesticides and preservatives to preserve them.

4. Take Part In Sanitation: Most of us including myself  like to stand aloof on this one. Cleanliness is all our business not just LAWMA.

5. Use Public Trash Can: Use trash cans when not available, keep in your bag or pocket and dispose it when you find a trash can


Keeping our environment clean is a collective responsibility( govt & citizens). We are all in it together as  some people will say. You cannot be on the divide of the divide. Are you helping to keep it clean or helping to keep it dirty?


#LETUSSAVENIGERIA

FRIDAY HUMOUR FROM THE YORUBA BROTHERS

TGIF Guys.I found this piece very funny so i decided to take a break from the series on etiquette. It is from a colleague at work. Please read on and laugh........

So after 12 solid primary and secondary school years in this Yorubaland called Lasgidi, plus the mandatory NYSC year, plus two post-NYSC years till date, this is my take on my Yoruba brothers:

1. They have this affinity for stew. Stew with Amala. Stew with Eba. Stew is almost always present in their soup. Infact, stew is soup as it can be eaten as is with any swallow.

2. Eba must be soft. Not 'hard' like "ti awon omo Ibo."

3. Do a Yoruba man a favour and he will greet you for that particular deed for the rest of his life. 'E seun ojor Sah/Ma'.

4. Ankara fabric can never be missing in the wardrobe. Why? Because they just love Saturday parties!

5. Amala and ewedu soup is a national treasure. Gbegiri. And Agege bread. And Efor soup too.

6. They are not lavish with their soup portions. It's always as if there is famine.

7. Ijebu garri is another national treasure. On a hot afternoon, Ijebu garri + cold water + Fried fish/kulikuli does wonders to the soul.

8. In the gents, they prefer to wipe with water rather than 'tissue paper'. Water no get enemy.

9. Beans that is not watery is poison. It's like giving them cement to chew. Again, water no get enemy.

10. They like pepper. I mean peppery pepper. Everything is about 'din ata'. They have a special flat rock-instrument for grinding pepper. Don't ever try to eat their food without a reservoir of water near you. Your head can blow up.

11. Their language is one of the sweetest things on earth. Especially the abusive ones like 'oloshi', 'oloriburuku', 'oniranu'. I like 'ode'. Lawd!

12. They are prepared to borrow heaven and earth to organize parties. After the party comes the creditors, the blues...the blues...

13. All talk. Engage a Yoruba man in a fight and he will leave you to call the whole world/passers-by to see 'this man before I kill am o!!!'
He will remove his shirt, display some bravado at a distance, and keep calling spectators. Don't worry, he won't come close.

You never dull at a yoruba wedding. You musk konko below.lol

14. If you want to really beat a Yoruba man, take him to a place where he will not see a weapon to grab. Maybe the middle of a football pitch. They are useless when there is no '2 X 2' plank, cutlass, bottles, etc. Don't ever fight them in a bus-stop where they have enough 'backup'; they're very united.

15. They can shout when angry. You need to see a Yoruba man shout. Even that woman in Kung Fu Hustle dey learn.

16. Speak their language and you automatically become a family. Their language is the sweetest thing from the mouth of a 'foreigner'. Thank goodness for my ability. smile emoticon
You will realize the importance when you need to ask for direction to your destination.

17. I hate iru. Iru is a spice used for cooking. The 'aroma' that comes from that thing can kill a horse.

18. If you are not Aboki then you are 'omo igbo' to them. All other ethnic group no follow. You are talking Further Maths when you start mentioning Itsekiri, Nupe, Ibibio, Ijaw, etc.

19. They find it hard to understand the difference between Cross River and Akwa-Ibom.

20. They believe all 'Calabar' people are potential cannibals.

21. That all 'Calabar' people eat dog meat(i only reinforced this notion). Tha dog-eating gives us sexual stamina. smile emoticon
Because of this, they're jittery when a Calabar man 'chases' their babe, and helpless when left alone with a Calabar babe in a room.
smile emoticon

22. They have the talking drum. A classic work of art.

23. They are WONDERFUL people. Fun to be with and very receptive. I love these guys!!!

N/B: The word 'they' as used here is not meant to generalize in any way.
This is purely jocular and not meant to insult my Yoruba brothers.

Story :Eno Emmanuel

Image credit: Nairaland.com & Gistmania.com

#LETUSSAVE NIGERIA