FRIDAY HUMOUR FROM THE YORUBA BROTHERS

TGIF Guys.I found this piece very funny so i decided to take a break from the series on etiquette. It is from a colleague at work. Please read on and laugh........

So after 12 solid primary and secondary school years in this Yorubaland called Lasgidi, plus the mandatory NYSC year, plus two post-NYSC years till date, this is my take on my Yoruba brothers:

1. They have this affinity for stew. Stew with Amala. Stew with Eba. Stew is almost always present in their soup. Infact, stew is soup as it can be eaten as is with any swallow.

2. Eba must be soft. Not 'hard' like "ti awon omo Ibo."

3. Do a Yoruba man a favour and he will greet you for that particular deed for the rest of his life. 'E seun ojor Sah/Ma'.

4. Ankara fabric can never be missing in the wardrobe. Why? Because they just love Saturday parties!

5. Amala and ewedu soup is a national treasure. Gbegiri. And Agege bread. And Efor soup too.

6. They are not lavish with their soup portions. It's always as if there is famine.

7. Ijebu garri is another national treasure. On a hot afternoon, Ijebu garri + cold water + Fried fish/kulikuli does wonders to the soul.

8. In the gents, they prefer to wipe with water rather than 'tissue paper'. Water no get enemy.

9. Beans that is not watery is poison. It's like giving them cement to chew. Again, water no get enemy.

10. They like pepper. I mean peppery pepper. Everything is about 'din ata'. They have a special flat rock-instrument for grinding pepper. Don't ever try to eat their food without a reservoir of water near you. Your head can blow up.

11. Their language is one of the sweetest things on earth. Especially the abusive ones like 'oloshi', 'oloriburuku', 'oniranu'. I like 'ode'. Lawd!

12. They are prepared to borrow heaven and earth to organize parties. After the party comes the creditors, the blues...the blues...

13. All talk. Engage a Yoruba man in a fight and he will leave you to call the whole world/passers-by to see 'this man before I kill am o!!!'
He will remove his shirt, display some bravado at a distance, and keep calling spectators. Don't worry, he won't come close.

You never dull at a yoruba wedding. You musk konko below.lol

14. If you want to really beat a Yoruba man, take him to a place where he will not see a weapon to grab. Maybe the middle of a football pitch. They are useless when there is no '2 X 2' plank, cutlass, bottles, etc. Don't ever fight them in a bus-stop where they have enough 'backup'; they're very united.

15. They can shout when angry. You need to see a Yoruba man shout. Even that woman in Kung Fu Hustle dey learn.

16. Speak their language and you automatically become a family. Their language is the sweetest thing from the mouth of a 'foreigner'. Thank goodness for my ability. smile emoticon
You will realize the importance when you need to ask for direction to your destination.

17. I hate iru. Iru is a spice used for cooking. The 'aroma' that comes from that thing can kill a horse.

18. If you are not Aboki then you are 'omo igbo' to them. All other ethnic group no follow. You are talking Further Maths when you start mentioning Itsekiri, Nupe, Ibibio, Ijaw, etc.

19. They find it hard to understand the difference between Cross River and Akwa-Ibom.

20. They believe all 'Calabar' people are potential cannibals.

21. That all 'Calabar' people eat dog meat(i only reinforced this notion). Tha dog-eating gives us sexual stamina. smile emoticon
Because of this, they're jittery when a Calabar man 'chases' their babe, and helpless when left alone with a Calabar babe in a room.
smile emoticon

22. They have the talking drum. A classic work of art.

23. They are WONDERFUL people. Fun to be with and very receptive. I love these guys!!!

N/B: The word 'they' as used here is not meant to generalize in any way.
This is purely jocular and not meant to insult my Yoruba brothers.

Story :Eno Emmanuel

Image credit: Nairaland.com & Gistmania.com

#LETUSSAVE NIGERIA